Orenji | @checkmork
The year was 2011. I had just started my senior year in high school. I hid my fear well, but as soon as school started I felt like I was shaking. Every day I went to school knowing every day I was closer and closer to my graduation. Nothing terrified me more. I had no idea what I wanted to do in life, no direction, no meaning. For me, school was a haven. It might not have been the best place; but I woke up every day knowing I still had to go.
One September weekend my friend decided to try showing me K-Pop again. She had tried in the past but I had only really seemed to like a few songs and I barely remembered group names. This time things stuck. I was completely enthralled. This new world had been completely opened up to me. One group she showed me, was Miss A.
The “Goodbye Baby” music video had just dropped a few months back. I was completely taken back by the girl with the long orange hair. Before I knew it, and before I even knew what the word meant, Miss A had become my ultimate girl group. For the first time I actually started looking up the idols names and wanting to know more about them. I found fan account and clung to them hoping to learn everything I could.
Jia stood out from the others. She always had, no matter what 140p grainy YouTube video I was watching. Her smile lit up, and always found a way to make me feel better. When they finally opened their instagrams, I followed Jia as quickly as I could. To see a more personal side to her, it was so eye opening. She was even more goofy, and more relaxed. She loved posting photos of her cat and showing off her friends.
Jia quickly became an icon for me. Someone who was never afraid to be herself. For me, being so lost and confused in my personal life, I clung to that. Most of my fashion choices at the time were made because of her. I cut my hair short and wanted to dye it bright pink because of her. My mom didn’t let me dye it pink though.
I found so much of myself while trying to copy someone else. I found my love for bold hair colors. I found my sense of fashion. I was slowly finding my reason to keep going even after school would end. I found how to be strong.
There’s so much more I would love to say but basically what this awkward rambling all boils down to is, thank you. Thank you Meng Jia. Because of you I found little bits of me. I found comfort in not knowing the unknown. I was still scared, but I had your music to comfort me. For the first time in months, I knew everything would be okay.
Read another fan letter to SNSD in support of Women’s Month here!
Thumbnail Courtesy of Banana Culture Entertainment